It's a Wonderful Life, Ryan Atwood
by storymom
Summary: based on speculation, not spoilers. A borrowing of the original movie and making it my own with characters belonging to others. Fin'
1. Chapter 1

_This is based solely on some speculation, not really spoilers. The usual disclaimer: I don't own the characters, the actors or the show. The untrained monkey executives at Fox do. Unfortunately, they're too stupid to realize a good thing. I also don't own anything to do with the original, "It's a Wonderful Life" or Jimmy Stewart. You've got to know a little something about the original movie to follow along here._

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Ryan wasn't really sure how the accident happened. One minute he was up to his neck in holiday decorations, and the next he was coming to in the Emergency Room with Taylor laying next to him.

He knew it was the Cohens' idea to keep him "distracted" and "busy" during the holidays, as if hanging Chrismukkah lights would somehow help him forget this was the first year without Marissa.

Ryan groaned as the pain and burning were forcing him more and more awake. Because of the horrendous headache, he didn't bother to open his eyes, not until he heard the soft, "Ssh, it's okay," and found Kirsten and Sandy both staring down at him.

He blinked a few times as he tried to focus on them. "What happened?"

"There was an accident." Kirsten said softly, which Ryan realized was the exact same thing she said seven months earlier.

This time, however, instead of Sandy saying 'car accident', he said, "there was a problem with the holiday lights, and you ended up getting an, um, electrical shock. But the doctors say you're going to be fine in a few days."

Ryan tried to piece it together, but was still coming up blank. He sort of remembered Taylor shouting his name, but until he woke up in the hospital, nothing else was clear.

When he heard Taylor whimper next to him, Ryan tried to sit up, only to have Kristen "ssh" him again as she pushed him back onto the bed.

"She's fine, Ryan, or she will be as well. Her mother is coming to bring her home in a little while."

Not knowing what else to say or do, Ryan laid back on the bed, still trying to remember the accident, but for some reason, wasn't up to asking any more questions. "Tired."

"They gave you something to help you stay calm and regulate your heart rate." With Ryan's eyes closed, he didn't see Kirsten glare at Sandy.

"Regulate?" Ryan started, but was stopped by Kirsten, "Don't worry about it for right now. We can talk about it later, when you're feeling better. Try to get some sleep."

"Kay." Ryan was just drifting off when he heard a man's voice, "Mr. And Mrs. Cohen?"

"Dr. Richards, is everything alright?" Kirsten's voice sounded so far away. Ryan wanted to hear what this doctor had to say, but it was too hard to open his eyes. At the same time, he found it was impossible to fall asleep as he tried to find out what was wrong with him.

"I was just going over Ryan's records." After a pause, Ryan heard the guy continue. "I see that Ryan was brought in back in May as the driver of a fatal accident."

"That's right." Ryan heard Sandy say, as if the guy was confirming their pizza order.

The doctor continued, "And prior to that, Ryan was involved in a near-fatal shooting and was badly beaten."

Ryan immediately recognized Kirsten's tone. "What are you getting at, Dr. Richards?"

"Three serious accidents requiring hospitalization in the span of just a year and half?"

"Your point being?" Again Ryan could hear the tone. He was hoping the doctor would catch onto Kirsten's tone as well and just shut up. No one needed to remind any of them of Ryan's accidents.

Finally he heard Sandy. "They were a series of events in Ryan's life that he didn't have any control over but unfortunately was involved in. Not one of them was Ryan's fault."

Ryan strained to hear the doctor's response to Sandy's obvious lie, but the room suddenly got very quiet. He barely heard the doctor say, "If you say so, Mr. Cohen. They'll be moving Ryan to his room shortly. As I told you before, we'd like to keep him here for a few days under observation. His injuries are no longer life threatening, but we'd still like to monitor him."

Sandy and Kirsten both mumbled something that Ryan couldn't make out. He was sure he heard a door shut and hoped that meant the doctor left. He tried to talk but could only manage a moan, which earned him another "ssh, it's okay" from Kirsten.

As Ryan began to drift asleep, he felt someone touch his arm. He knew by the softness of the hand, it had to be Kirsten. "How many more times can we go through this, Sandy? Twice in less than a year, I've picked up the telephone to have some hospital person tell me Ryan's been in an accident."

"Well, if you include the infamous Trey shooting, it's been three times for me."

"Don't remind me, please." Kirsten continued to touch his arm, which didn't make Ryan feel better. He tried to force himself awake. He wanted to apologize again for again scaring them and again dragging them down to the hospital, but he just couldn't wake up enough to talk. Unfortunately, he could still hear them, and that did little to help the guilt that was beginning to build inside.

"Will it ever get easier for him?" Ryan could hear the weariness in Kirsten's voice. He could also tell that her question was more rhetorical than anything else.

"Kirsten, it was just an accident. He'll be fine in a couple of days. This isn't like the car accident. He'll be fine."

"This year has been such a nightmare. I was really hoping to get through Chrismukkah and into the New Year without anything else going wrong." Kirsten sighed loudly before she continued. "Speaking of Chrismukkah, we better tell Seth that we need to postpone the start of the holidays until Ryan's home and feeling better."

As if Ryan wasn't already feeling guilty enough, hearing Kirsten talk about canceling the start of Chrismukkah - Seth's uber holiday - did little to help him feel better.

"The doctor said Ryan would probably sleep through the night. Why don't we go home, clean up from the accident and talk to Seth?"

"Later, after they get Ryan settled in his room.""

It was the last bit of the conversation Ryan heard as he slipped into a drug-induced, guilt-ridden sleep.

He wasn't sure how long he was out, but Ryan was suddenly startled awake by a lot of commotion and yelling around him. He opened his eyes to find his bed being pushed down the hallway by some guy in scrubs

Ryan assumed that he was being moved to his room, but that didn't explain the loud voices. He looked around and saw Veronica Townsend yelling at Kirsten and Sandy.

"If Julie Cooper had cared enough to put her foot down, she'd still be alive!"

"Veronica!" Apparently, Kirsten also had no problem with being loud in a hospital, but that didn't seem to faze Mrs. Townsend.

"Well, I'm here to tell you, I care enough to say No. I do not want Taylor around that kid ever again. If it wasn't for him, none of this would have ever happened."

"Really? And how are you going to stop her since Taylor now lives with Julie Cooper and not you?"

"I'm taking Taylor home with me right now, with explicit orders that she is never to see Ryan again. If he comes any where near her, I'll have him arrested."

Ryan noticed how close the two women were standing. For a minute, he was worried that it might get physical. Apparently, Sandy must have been concerned as well as he quickly moved between Kirsten and Mrs. Townsend. "Well, it might be a little difficult to have him arrested in his own home."

Mrs. Townsend finally took a step back and glared at Sandy. "I beg your pardon?"

Even lying in bed, Ryan could clearly see the smirk on Sandy's face." You don't want Taylor around Ryan, then tell her to stop coming to our house, or maybe we'll have her arrested for trespassing."

As Veronica Townsend huffed and puffed away from Kirsten and Sandy, and they turned their attention back to him, Ryan closed his eyes and pretended to be asleep. He didn't want them to know he heard Mrs. Townsend. He definitely didn't want to hear their platitudes about how wrong she was, especially since she was one hundred percent right.

If it wasn't for him…

Ryan continued to doze on and off after he was moved into his room. Every time he woke up, his mind would drift back to the same thought, "If it wasn't for him…"

He wasn't sure what time Kirsten and Sandy finally left for the night. He knew a nurse had come in at some point and gave him another shot of something. He also knew Kirsten and Sandy both gave him a kiss on his forehead and whispered goodnight before leaving.

And all he could think about was, "If it wasn't for him…"

Sometime later, he didn't know how many hours later, Ryan slowly became aware of the fact he was not alone in his room. It took a minute or two to focus on the small figure standing at the foot of his bed.

"Hello, Ryan," the voice said.

"Taylor?"

"Yes?"

"You need to leave. Your mother…"

Taylor walked to the side of his bed. "My mother is an evil woman."

"But she's right."

"Right?"

"Yeah, she's right. If it wasn't for me, it would all be so much better." Ryan didn't know why he was saying it out loud, but it was just Taylor – she probably wasn't even listening.

Surprisingly enough though, she was. "What would be so much better?"

Ryan stared up at the ceiling. Even if the room was darkened, it was easier than looking at Taylor. "Everything. Everyone. Marissa, Seth, Sandy, Kirsten, Summer. Hell, even you."

"Really? Let me guess – you wish you were never born." Taylor's voice was thick with sarcasm, surprising Ryan.

He hesitated for a minute before mumbling, "Okay, fine. Maybe not never been born, but I definitely wish I never came to Newport."

Ryan wasn't sure what telling Taylor would do for him. It didn't make him feel any less guilty. He also didn't know what he expected Taylor to do or say.

He certainly didn't expect her to snap her fingers or announce, "Fine, Jimmy Stewart, you never came to Newport."

Ryan closed his eyes when Taylor turned on the lights. He suddenly wanted her to leave – preferably on her own. She wasn't helping him. She couldn't help him. No one could. But Taylor being Taylor didn't leave.

"Very funny, Taylor. Will you please leave before I call the nurse."

"No nurse, Ryan. No doctor either. There was no accident because you never came to Newport."

That's when Ryan noticed he was no longer in pain. No more burning or sore muscles. No headache. No tingling in his arms or legs. He felt completely fine. Strange, but fine.

Taylor lowered the rail on the side of his bed. "Ready to see what Newport's like without the brooding bad boy from Chino?"

"Sure, no problem. I'm sure no one will notice me walking around in a hospital gown."

Taylor laughed as she handed Ryan a bag. From where, Ryan had no idea. "Well, as much as I'd love to see you in something backless, I think it would be best if you put your clothes on."

Ryan dumped the contents of the bag onto his bed. He looked down at the old gray hoodie, his old fake leather coat, white ripped tee shirt, K-mart Trey hand-me down jeans and his old scuffed boots. "Taylor? Where did you get all this? Most of this stuff Kirsten threw away. You decide to start dumpster diving in your spare time?"

"How could Kirsten throw your clothes away, Ryan? You two have never met."

Ryan simply shook his head as he began to put on the clothes he hadn't seen in years, forgetting how uncomfortable cheap clothes really were. "I'm not sure what drugs you're on, Taylor or what drugs they have me on, but if you want to play 'It's a Wonderful Life,' fine by me. Anything to get me out of the hospital. Take me away Clarence, I'm all yours."

Taylor slapped Ryan on his shoulder as she wrapped her arms around his bicep. "You're so silly. I'm no angel, so you don't have to call me Clarence. But I will show you Newport Beach sans Ryan Atwood. I think you'll be very surprised by what you see."

As Ryan opened the door, he again shook his head. "Well, it can't be any worse than it is now."

"Don't be so sure, Ryan Atwood," Taylor said as they walked undisturbed through the hospital corridor. "Don't be so sure."


	2. Chapter 2

_I still don't own it. I wish I could give the untrained monkeys some bananas and take possession of it and give it the respect it deserves. Finlee and ctoan still corrected the grammer stupid mistakes, but I did tinker so I'm sure there are mistakes. Feel sorry for the grammer stupid._

_Remember - you need to know a little bit about the original movie to follow along here. Seeing isn't necessarily believing._

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No one bothered to stop them as they left the hospital, making Ryan wonder about the security at HOAG.

The two walked along the road for a while; neither one saying anything. Ryan wasn't sure what Taylor was up to, but that wasn't much of a surprise. No one was ever sure what Taylor was up to.

He did decide to play along with her game. "So if I'm not in Newport, where am I?"

"You really want to know?"

"If I didn't, I wouldn't have asked. Let me guess, I'm living in Chino, right? Working construction? Or did I move to New Mexico with my mother?"

"Your mom's not in New Mexico, Ryan. She's still drinking in Chino with AJ." Hearing that, Ryan stopped dead in his tracks.

"Bull. She left AJ years ago. She's clean and sober and living with her new boyfriend in Albuquerque."

"Clean and sober? Why would she be clean and sober?" Taylor had continued walking. Ryan jogged to catch up with her and then pulled her arm to get her to stop.

"Knock it off, Taylor. You have no idea what you're talking about. Sandy got my mom help at my birthday last year. I saw her. I flew to Albuquerque and saw her. And she came to my graduation."

Taylor slapped Ryan's shoulder – something Ryan noticed she liked to do. "Ryan, the only graduation you had was from juvie to jail. Non-Newport Ryan is currently residing in a prison cell in Chino with Trey."

That was when Ryan remembered that he was talking to Taylor. Mixed up, over zealous Taylor so he laughed. "Yeah, sure. In prison. What did I do this time? Burn down another house? Steal another car?"

"How could you burn down another house? You never even burnt down the first. Nope, unfortunately for you, this time it was assault with a deadly weapon, among other things."

It was the seriousness of Taylor's tone that was starting to annoy Ryan. She was taking this joke too far.

He glared at her, but that didn't seem to faze Taylor. "Remember Eddie?"

Ryan barely nodded, wondering how Taylor knew about Eddie -- or AJ for that matter.

Taylor seemed oblivious to Ryan's growing frustration. "When you found out that Eddie was beating on Teresa, you went after him with a pool cue. You were still on probation for stealing the car, so the judge sentenced you to juvie until you were eighteen."

"I'm eighteen now, so I'd be out of juvie."

"You are. I told you – you're in jail. Apparently you found some trouble in juvie as well, and you were sent to prison. With Trey."

Ryan kept reminding himself that this was all a joke - a Taylor Townsend joke - and continued to play along. "Ha! Shows you what you know. Trey lives in Vegas, and Teresa works in hotel management. She and Daniel left California last April."

"There's no Daniel. When Eddie found out she was pregnant, he beat Teresa and caused her to miscarry. Poor girl will never be able to have children, which I guess in a way is a blessing since she's still with Eddie.

Taylor paused a minute before stating so matter-of-fact, "She and your mom both work in the same diner and live in Chino with their drug-dealing, alcoholic, abusive men. Trey is still in jail with you because together neither one of you can stay out of trouble long enough to get paroled."

Ryan patted Taylor on the top of her head. "Keep smoking whatever it is you're smoking. I guess you brought some good stuff back from France."

"I don't do drugs." Taylor slapped his hand away. "You asked so I told you. Don't ask if you don't want to know."

"Fine. Whatever, but that's Chino without Ryan Atwood. You said you were going to show me Newport without Ryan Atwood."

Taylor turned and continued towards the beach. "I am. Just keep following me."

Ryan laughed. "Lead the way, Ganja queen."

After that, Taylor didn't say anything – not as they walked to the beach or even once they started walking along the water's edge. Off in the distance, Ryan could just make out the Cohens' house. As happy as he was to be out of the hospital and feeling better, he knew he had to get back before morning, or they might worry.

After walking in silence for a while and with the Cohens' house even closer, Ryan said, "Look, why don't we just stop at my house and get my car? If we're going to be taking a tour of Newport, I'd rather do it in my car."

"What car? You don't have a car."

"Yeah I do. The jeep. The one Sandy got to replace the one…after I…after the…you know."

"The accident?" Taylor finished.

Ryan again nodded, still unable to say the words out loud.

"There's no jeep, Ryan, because there was no accident. Remember – you've never been to Newport before."

As they stopped in front of a large beach house, overflowing with people, Ryan looked at her. "Very funny. So if I've never been to Newport, how do I know this is Holly Fisher's beach house?" His frustration was finally beginning to show.

"Now you're getting technical on me. Fine, you know all about Newport, but Newport knows nothing about you. Shall we join the party?"

Taylor led Ryan into the house, and just like when they were in high school, there was a full-blown rager happening. Ryan laughed as soon as he spotted Holly in her signature skimpy bikini in the middle of a pack of half dressed drunken water polo players of yesteryear.

He stopped laughing when the girl dancing with Holly turned around. "Hey, what's Summer doing here?"

"Why not? She comes to all of Holly's ragers."

"Not from Brown University, she doesn't."

"Summer Roberts at Brown University?" Taylor laughed. "Not this Summer Roberts. This Summer Roberts graduated third to last in Harbor's Class of 2006, right before Holly Fisher and Chip Saunders."

Ryan ignored Taylor as he made his way over to Summer and gently tugged at her arm so as to pull her away from the crowd. "Hey, Summer? What are you doing here?"

An obviously drunken Summer stared at Ryan for a second as if she didn't know who he was before throwing her arms around his neck. "Hey…you, too. Wanna party?"

Ryan tried to pry her hands free, but she really had a hold around his neck. "Not funny, Summer. Where's Seth?"

"Seth? Seth who?" When Summer snuggled closer to Ryan's chest, he tried to push her away as gently as he could.

"Still not funny, Summer. Your boyfriend Seth. Seth Cohen."

Summer picked her head up from Ryan's chest and began to feel his leather jacket. "I have no idea who or what a Seth Cohen is. And what's with the Salvation Army reject clothes?"

It didn't take long before Holly and Chip joined them. "I remember a Seth Cohen," Holly said. "From sophomore year, dated that geeky girl Anna Something."

"Ew! What would I be doing with a geek like that? Come on, Hol, I need more margs." Summer waved as she staggered away. "See ya around, Salvation Army."

Ryan stood shocked as he watched Summer rejoin the group, filling and then spilling her 'marg' as she resumed her dancing. He didn't even realize Taylor had come up behind him until she touched his shoulder.

"You weren't here to date Marissa, so Seth never got the chance to date Summer. She continued to party her way through high school."

Ryan shrugged off her hand. "This isn't funny any more, Taylor."

"No, it's not."

He quickly walked out of the beach house, but not before he caught sight of Summer beginning to make out with Chip. Ryan knew if he didn't leave, he'd have to punch Chip in the face. His only hope was that Taylor stayed at the party and had a good laugh with Summer and everyone else there, all at his expense.

It wasn't until he was half-way down the beach that Ryan noticed Taylor following closely behind him. He took a deep breath before he turned to face her.

"So tell me this – where was Marissa? How come she and Luke weren't there? If I never came to Newport, then Marissa and Luke would have been there. You forgot that part, didn't you?"

"I didn't forget anything, Ryan. I didn't create this Newport. Luke is in Portland with his dad. You didn't make his dad come out of the closet, and you certainly didn't make Luke sleep with Julie Cooper. After everyone found out, Luke and his dad moved to Portland. That had nothing to do with you living in Newport Beach so those events still happened."

Taylor again tried to rest an arm on Ryan's shoulder, but he brushed her off.

"So what about Marissa? If Summer continued to party at Holly's, then so did Marissa. She's Summer's best friend."

"She was."

"So where is she? If I never came to Newport, then there was never an accident, and she didn't die. Where is she?"

Ryan knew that there would be no way for Taylor to continue her joke. She couldn't magically produce Marissa just to prove whatever she was trying to prove.

"Come on," Taylor said softly, this time resting her hand on Ryan's back as she led him to Marissa.

Neither one of them said anything as they walked the beach, to the road and down to the cemetery. Even then, Ryan refused to say anything. Until they got there. To the grave. To Marissa's grave.

Ryan couldn't look at it. He'd only been there once, the time he'd met Julie there. He had never been back, and he didn't want to be there now.

"No, that's not right," he stressed. "If I never moved to Newport, then there was never a car accident."

"That's right. There was no car accident the night after graduation." Taylor pointed to the headstone. "Marissa Cooper, 1988 - 2003."

"2003? No…how?" Ryan knelt down on the ground and tried to rub away the wrong date. It was 2006, not 2003.

"Marissa Cooper died in August of 2003 of a drug overdose in an alley in Tijuana, Mexico."

That was the last straw for Ryan as he stormed away from the grave and from Taylor. It wasn't until he got out of the cemetery, when Taylor caught up to him and grabbed his arm that he finally blew up.

"At first I thought this was all in fun, but you know what Taylor? You're crazy and you're making me crazy. Marissa didn't die in that alley. I know because I saw them airlift her back to Newport. I saw her in the hospital afterwards. She didn't die in Tijuana."

"She didn't die because you found her. You carried her out of that alley. You saved her then and you continued to save her for as long as you could. But without Ryan Atwood, Marissa's destructive behavior caught up to her sooner rather than later."

Ryan tried to pull his arm free from Taylor so he could get away from her, but he found that she had a surprisingly tight grip on him.

"You didn't make her take those pills, Ryan. You didn't make Luke cheat on her. You didn't make her dad steal all that money. You didn't make her parents get a divorce. Those things still happened, even if you weren't here to witness them or to stop her from killing herself."

At that point, Ryan no longer cared if he hurt Taylor as he pulled free. He needed to get away. He needed to somehow force himself to wake up from this nightmare, and he knew it had to be a nightmare. It just had to be.

Taylor, however, continued talking behind him. "It's a shame really. It was almost three days before anyone found her in that alley and another four before anyone could identify her body. At least with you around, she died in the arms of someone who loved her. Not alone in some dirty little Mexican alley."

Ryan literally growled as he stormed away, reminding himself continuously that he could not hit a girl – even if that girl was Taylor Townsend. He didn't stop or turn around or in any way acknowledge Taylor, despite her constant, "Where are you going?"

After the forth or fifth time she asked, Ryan shouted over his shoulder, "Home!"

"Home? What home, Ryan?"

"Shut up, Taylor. You know where my home is."

"Yes, I do, but do you?"

Ryan ignored her as he continued walking, mumbling to himself. "Drugs. It has to be the hospital drugs. This isn't really happening. I'll just go home, apologize to Sandy and Kirsten and get some sleep. Yeah, sleep off the drugs. It'll be better in the morning…"

Yet Taylor continued behind him, almost running to keep up. "What home, Ryan?"

He finally stopped, faced Taylor and shouted, "You really want me to say it? Fine! My home is with the Cohens. I'm going home to the Cohens. Happy?"

Taylor smiled and patted his shoulder yet again. "Finally. Okay, so let's go see the Cohens."


	3. Chapter 3

_Same as the other two chapters -- don't own it, only playing with it. You still need to know a little bit about the original movie. _

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It was a very quiet, very fast paced walk to the Cohens' street. Once they reached the end of the road, Ryan turned right to start up the Cohens' driveway, while Taylor turned left into the Cooper's old driveway, causing Ryan to stop.

"Taylor? Where are you going? You know that's not the Cohens' house."

"It's not? Are you sure?"

Ryan let out an exasperated sigh. "I think I know where my house is, and that's not it."

The black BMW pulling into the Cooper's old driveway ended the conversation before Taylor could answer. It took Ryan a second to realize it was Sandy behind the wheel of the car. The same car he had gotten rid of two years earlier – when Kirsten was in Suriek.

"What the…?"

"Well, you said you wanted to go to the Cohen house." Taylor began to walk towards the BMW. "This is now the Cohen house."

Ryan gave Taylor one of his standard looks as he walked passed her and over to Sandy, who was getting his briefcase out of the car. Sandy looked the same, except, well, not really. Something was definitely off about him, but Ryan couldn't put his finger on exactly what.

He thought it was strange that Sandy didn't immediately acknowledge him, even though Ryan was now standing two feet away from him.

"Um…Sandy?" Ryan was tentative, not really sure why Sandy was ignoring him.

"Yeah?"

"What's up?"

"Depends on what you want."

Ryan leaned on the car, trying to get closer to Sandy. "I want to know why you're here. This isn't your house."

"Really? Is that what my wife told you?" Sandy looked Ryan up and down before sighing. "Look, kid, whatever she told you, I can promise you – it was a lie. This is just as much my house as it is hers. Take it from me, you're just her latest toy."

"I'm not her toy!" Ryan couldn't keep the disgust out of his voice. First Taylor, then Summer and now Sandy? They really did want to carry this too far.

"Oh, sorry," Sandy said sarcastically. "Pool boy? Yard guy? Computer hard drive defragmenter?"

As Sandy pushed passed Ryan towards the front door, Ryan grabbed his arm. "Sandy? Please? I don't know what's going on or what Taylor told you, but please, this isn't funny anymore. If you're mad because I left the hospital, I'm sorry. I'll go back. Right now, I swear, but can you please stop?"

Sandy pulled his arm free and tapped Ryan on the chest, "Look…um…"

"Ryan!"

"Look, Ryan, I'm not sure who you are or what you're on. If you belong in a hospital, then I suggest you go there. If you're looking for my wife, I'm sure she'll find a good use for you, just as soon as she finishes maxing out another one of my credit cards or overdrawing my bank account again."

"Kirsten would never do that."

"Kirsten?" Sandy snorted. "Kid, you got me confused with Jimmy Cooper. The Coopers live over there." Sandy gestured over to the house that Ryan always knew as the Cohens'. "At least for right now, until the bank forecloses."

A much sportier, much newer and much more expensive car pulling into the driveway ended their conversation. Ryan wasn't sure what to say when Julie climbed out of the driver's side and walked over to Sandy.

He thought he was going to vomit when she leaned over and kissed Sandy before looking Ryan up and down.

"Ooh, please tell me this is the new pool boy."

"He's who ever you want him to be." Sandy didn't bother to hide the contempt in his voice.

Julie didn't bother to hide the lust in hers. "We'll obviously have to get him better clothes or maybe just less clothes, but he'll do."

Ryan grew more and more uncomfortable listening to them talk as if he wasn't even there and worse, as if he was some kind of property that Sandy was willing to hand over to Julie.

Apparently satisfied that Ryan was now hers to keep, Julie turned back to Sandy. "Did you talk to the partners about your raise?"

"Nope. Slipped my mind."

"Sandy, really. You're allowing Partridge, Savage and Kahn to get away with a crime. You deserve a raise and a bonus. Stop being such a martyr and demand more money."

"Wait," Ryan interrupted. "Since when did you go back there? What happened to being back at the PD's office? I mean, after leaving the Newport Group, you said you wanted to go back to helping kids like, you know, me."

Julie took a step back and looked at Ryan with distain. "You're a criminal? Sandy, what is a criminal doing in my driveway? Get rid of him now, or we'll be late for our dinner reservations at the club."

She turned abruptly and went into the house. Sandy narrowed his eyes as he stepped closer to Ryan.

"Look, Raymond…"

"Ryan!"

"Whoever. I haven't worked in the PD's office in over three years, nor do I have any plans on returning there. As for the Newport Group, you obviously didn't do your homework for whatever scam you're trying to pull. The Newport Group went under when its CEO dropped dead of a heart attack two years ago. Now I strongly suggest you get off my property and don't come back, or I'll call the cops."

Sandy slammed the door as he too went inside, leaving Ryan even more confused than ever. Ryan had even forgotten Taylor was there, until she tapped his shoulder.

"What's wrong, Ryan?"

"Wrong? What's wrong?" Ryan threw up his hands and looked at Taylor. "No way in hell would Sandy Cohen and Julie Cooper ever be married. He hated Partridge, Savage and Kahn. The Newport Group did not go under when Caleb died. Sandy is back at the PD's office, and Kirsten is running New Match. And they are still very much married."

"You're talking about how things are with you in Newport Beach. Remember, this is Ryan-less Newport Beach."

"This isn't Newport Beach. This is the Twilight Zone or a really bad reaction to the hospital medication. Or a nightmare, but definitely not Newport Beach."

Ryan headed towards the driveway of the house he knew as the Cohens' house. His home. Taylor followed behind.

"Where are you going?"

"Home."

"What home?"

"Shut up, Taylor. You're making me crazy. I have no idea how you got Sandy to agree to all this. I'm sure by tomorrow I'll get his whole 'lesson learned' talk. That's Sandy. But I know Kirsten. There is no way she'd play along with this whole game.

"This isn't a game, Ryan. You wanted to see Newport Beach without Ryan Atwood. Well, here it is. Not liking what you see?"

"Not enjoying your charade. You forgot something – if I never came to Newport, Caleb Nichol wouldn't have died."

"Really?" Taylor laughed. "Wow, you really do think a lot of yourself, don't you? You actually believe you caused his fatal heart attack?"

"I did. Our fight led to his first heart attack, and after that, it was just a matter of time."

"Sorry to break this to you, Ryan, but overindulgence in rich food, young women and expensive alcohol in addition to his many deep dark secrets of an illegitimate love child and possible financial ruin killed Caleb Nichol. It wasn't due to having Ryan Atwood as a grandson. Remember those events still happened because you had nothing to do with them."

As Ryan made his way up the driveway, he continued to mumble to himself about bad jokes, bad medication, and not hitting a girl. Taylor followed behind, deciding not to say anything further – for the moment at least.

"Stop following me!" Ryan growled as he reached for the front door handle. Expecting the door to naturally be unlocked, he walked face first into it and painfully discovered it was locked.

"What the…?" He jiggled the handle a few times before punching the door.

"Since this isn't the Cohen house, there isn't the usual open door policy." Taylor announced from the bottom of the stairs, wisely deciding it would be better than standing next to Ryan.

Ryan tried the handle a few more times before again punching the door out of frustration. He leaned over and rang the doorbell repeatedly, figuring Seth was a part of this scheme and was the one who locked him out. Of course Seth would be involved. Since it was a bad joke, Seth would be very deeply, deeply involved.

He was about to give up and walk around back to the pool house, figuring he'd change his clothes before going through the kitchen to apologize to Kirsten and punch Seth, when the front door flew open.

Opening his mouth and then quickly closing it, Ryan actually took a step back as he look at Kirsten. Or what appeared to be Kirsten. This was not the Kirsten he knew and loved. This Kirsten was disheveled, wearing wrinkled clothes and no makeup, and holding a large vodka bottle in her hands.

"What do you want?" Kirsten's words were slurred, and it was at that moment that Ryan truly felt like crying.

"Kirsten?" Ryan's voice actually cracked.

"Yeah?"

"I'm sorry. If this is because of the accident or because I ruined the holidays, I'm sorry. Okay? Please? Can you please give me the bottle? I'll call Sandy and Seth. We'll all go to a meeting…"

"You know Seth?" Kirsten clutched the bottle close to her chest. Her face, however, lit up at the mere mention of Seth.

"Yeah. Of course I know Seth. For years now." Ryan took a step closer, in the hopes that Kirsten would give him the bottle.

Instead, her face dropped, as did her tone. " Really? Years now? So tell me, when was the last time you saw Seth?"

"This morning. We talked at breakfast in the kitchen."

"Liar!" Kirsten shouted so loud that Ryan took a step back – shocked and hurt.

If that wasn't cruel enough, Kirsten then lunged at Ryan, punching him repeatedly in the chest – vodka bottle in hand. "Liar! Liar! Liar! You did not see him this morning. Who are you? Why are you doing this? Liar!"

Ryan wasn't sure what to do, so he just stood there. Kirsten continued to hit him with her fist and with her vodka bottle, spilling its contents all over them both.

It was a relief to see Jimmy Cooper come out of the house. "Kirsten? What are you doing?"

He not so gently pulled Kirsten off Ryan and stared at them both.

"He said he talked to Seth this morning. Why? Why would he lie to me?" Kirsten buried her head in Jimmy's shoulder, crying "liar" over and over again.

"Ssh." Jimmy's voice was soft, even if the look he was giving Ryan was not. "Don't worry about it. I'll take care of it. Why don't you go lie down? I'll find out who he is and get rid of him."

Kirsten took a big swig from her bottle, mumbling as she went inside. "Liar. Didn't talk to Seth this morning. Why? Seth…why??"

Jimmy waited until Kirsten had stumbled back into the house before turning his attention back to Ryan. "Why are you tormenting my wife? Did Tony send you?"

Ryan started to shake his head, but Jimmy wasn't paying attention. It took Ryan a minute to realize Jimmy wasn't exactly sober either.

"Look, tell Tony that torturing Kirsten isn't going to get him anywhere. I already told his other goon that I'm meeting with the pawnbroker tomorrow. Just as soon as I sell more jewelry and some of the silver, I'll be able to make another payment. I'll be able to pay off the entire loan as soon as the house sells."

Jimmy turned to leave but looked over his shoulder one last time at Ryan. "Just stop tormenting my wife by bringing up her missing son."

Ryan stood speechless, unable to process everything that he saw and everything that had been said. It was all way too much. Jimmy shut the door, and Ryan heard the door lock.

It wasn't until he walked down the stairs that Ryan again remembered Taylor was there. "Where's Seth?"

"What?" Taylor had to take a step back, not liking how close Ryan got to her.

"Bring me to Seth now!"

Taylor only managed, "I don't…" before Ryan interrupted. "Look, Taylor. Enough. You obviously know everything else so you know where Seth is. Please. I'm asking you to please bring me to Seth. He and I can fix this."

Taylor began to walk down the driveway. "Come on. If that's what you want, but you might not like what you see."

"It can't be any worse than what I've just seen."


	4. Chapter 4

I stole this from a friend of mine: _Remember a Newport without Ryan can't be anything but wrong. _ It kind of explains this whole story of mine.

See the usual disclaimers from the other chapters - not mine, borrowing. Untrained monkey executives, etc.

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Taylor walked slowly, hoping Ryan was following behind her. It was obvious the guy was physically and emotionally drained, and she knew it was about to get worse for him. She didn't say anything to him, and Ryan had nothing to say to her until they reached the lifeguard stand on the beach.

Taylor stopped by the water's edge, a few feet from the lifeguard stand as Ryan waited for her to tell him where Seth was. When she still said nothing, he thought he figured it out.

"He's here? Kirsten is drunk, and Seth is hiding out in the tower?" Ryan began to storm towards it, only to be stopped by Taylor.

"No, Ryan. He's not here. He's…" She didn't finish her sentence, instead pointing out towards the water.

"Where is he?" Ryan stood next to Taylor as the waves washed over their shoes.

"No one knows." Taking a step back, she turned to face Ryan. "Remember the first day you met Seth? He took you out on his boat and told you how he wanted to sail to Tahiti?"

At first Ryan could only stare at Taylor before moving away from the water and dropping down onto the sand. There was no way Taylor would know that - nobody knew it- and yet, she did.

As he stared out towards the ocean, Ryan quietly said, "Go on."

Taylor wrung her hands together, silent for a moment as she tried to think how best to explain it. "You have to remember, every occurrence, no matter how seemingly insignificant is but a stepping stone to the next experience, which leads a person down a certain path. Remove just one of the building blocks, and you delete or change that event, thus changing that path."

When Ryan continued to stare blankly at the sea, Taylor began to wonder if he was listening to her. She decided it was still best to continue. "In this case, remove Ryan Atwood from Newport, and the paths of all those around you is forever altered."

"How?" It was still a whisper but at least it meant he was listening to her.

"Without you here, Seth didn't bother to wait until the end of sophomore year to leave. Things got so bad that he left much earlier. The Coast Guard was only able to find pieces of the Summer Breeze, and some of his supplies washed ashore about two weeks later. But there was never any sign of Seth. Remember, without Ryan Atwood to become friends with Luke Ward, Seth never became friends with Luke. So there was no hopping a Grey Hound to Portland for the summer. It was Tahiti or bust."

Taylor watched as Ryan's expression changed and his body became rigid. She knew that it meant he understood what she was saying, and it was hitting him hard. "Why? What was so bad?"

She sat down next to him and put her arm around his shoulder. "I want you to think back to when you first came to Newport. Seth was alone, no friends – invisible so to speak. He wasn't really close to either one of his parents. Kirsten was at work all the time. There was a certain distance between her and Sandy."

Ryan nodded slightly. It was hard to believe, but it was true. God, it seemed like a lifetime ago. Ryan took a deep breath but didn't say anything. He waited for Taylor to continue.

"Well, without you, they continued to grow apart. You remember when Jimmy came to Kirsten for financial help? Well, after Julie threw him out and Marissa died, he turned to Kirsten for emotional help as well."

Again Ryan could only nod and waited for Taylor. "Sandy left the PD's office and went to Partridge, Savage and Kahn, which led to the case against the Newport Group, Caleb Nichol and ultimately Kirsten. The whole case left Kirsten feeling betrayed so when Jimmy kissed her, she didn't resist."

"No, that's not right." Ryan tried to correct her. "Yeah, sure, Jimmy kissed Kirsten, but she left his apartment. She turned him down. Seth eavesdropped on the argument between Sandy and Kirsten – he told me everything."

"Ah, yes. The disagreement between Sandy and Kirsten over her not telling him about the kiss. That was around the same time you and Luke tried to take on the whole Del Vista soccer team. You came home all beat up, bringing Luke with you. They stopped their argument that night to come together as parents because you needed them to help you and help Luke. No Ryan, no Del Vista soccer team fight, no reason to stop the argument."

"You're trying to tell me that without me, Seth never needed his parents?"

"Its not the same series of events, so the paths were different. I mean, obviously some things stayed the same. Seth still dated Anna Stern for a while, and she did move back to Pittsburgh when she got tired of continually listening to Seth's infatuation with Summer. But in a Ryan-less Newport, without Anna and with a Summer who didn't know he existed, you have a very depressed Seth."

"Unfortunately, it wasn't too long before Kirsten's affair with Jimmy became public knowledge. There was a huge blow out between Kirsten and Sandy, and Sandy moved in with Rachel from his office. Seth took off for Tahiti, never to be seen again."

Ryan lowered his head as Taylor continued talking. "Kirsten blamed Sandy. Sandy blamed Kirsten. A quickie divorce, and Kirsten and Jimmy got married. After Rachel and Sandy split, he found that he had a lot in common with Julie Cooper. They each lost a child, and they each lost their spouses. The most uncommon of unions resulted."

It was getting harder and harder for Ryan to keep the tears from falling, so he shut his eyes. He wanted to shut Taylor out, but that wasn't possible. She just kept right on talking.

"Actually, their marriage is better than Jimmy and Kirsten's. With or without Ryan Atwood, Jimmy Cooper still cannot manage money. He's gone through all of Kirsten's money. Not that she's even noticed. No Seth, no Ryan, no Sandy. No one who loves her enough to stage an intervention. No reason for her to want to stop drinking."

Taylor sighed, and Ryan thought she was done. But she wasn't. "Sandy is still at the law firm he hates because he can't afford to leave. He can't follow his heart back to the PD's office. A world filled with sadness and heartache for them all."

She gave Ryan's shoulder a small squeeze. "There was no abandoned fifteen year old who needed a family to help keep the Cohens together."

Ryan spoke slowly, without picking up his head. "Its not possible that I prevented all of this from happening. Not me."

"Why can't you believe how many lives you touched? You're so willing to believe everything bad is your fault, but all the good isn't possible?"

Ryan looked out at the dark waters for a while, taking it all in. Taylor started to rub his back slowly and jumped when Ryan sprang to his feet.

"I want to go back."

"I don't know if you can go back. This is what you wished for."

"This is not what I wished for. I wished for everyone to be better off. This is not better. This is a nightmare."

Taylor bend down to brush the sand off her legs, but she couldn't hide her smile. "So you admit that Newport Beach is a better place for your loved ones _with Ryan Atwood_?"

Ryan looked out over the ocean one last time. "I guess. I just never thought…"

"No, you didn't, but now you do." Taylor grabbed Ryan's hand and began to lead him off the beach. "I guess we can try. Okay, back to the hospital you go."

For a while, they continued walking in silence until Ryan asked, "So there was no way to save Marissa?"

"Not really. Although no one can ever say you didn't try."

A little further down the road, Ryan asked, "Isn't there anyone better off without me?"

"No one important to you." Taylor laughed. "But if it makes you feel better, I'm not living in Newport under the evil eye of Veronica Townsend."

Ryan groaned, "God, don't tell me you're dead, too. You're really a ghost, right? An angel?"

Taylor hit Ryan on his shoulder – something she hadn't done in a few hours. "No, silly. I'm in France with Henri Michele. See, you weren't here to help me get my divorce so I had to go back and try to work it out. Does that make you feel better?"

"To know you're stuck in a foreign country trapped in a loveless marriage? Sure, Taylor, that makes me feel great."

Again, Taylor slapped Ryan's shoulder. "Aww, I'll take your sarcastic response as a compliment."

It was the first time all evening they were both able to laugh together. After a minute, Ryan looked at Taylor and gave her hand a slight squeeze. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

There didn't seem to be anything further to discuss, and Ryan was happy walking in silence. That is, until they got back to the hospital.

"How is this going to work? I just walk back to my room, and everything goes back to the way it was?"

"Um… I'm not really sure."

Ryan looked around, noticing that no one was even attempting to look their way as they walked to the elevators.

"What do you mean you're not sure?" he hissed.

"Well, this is your wish come true. I'm not sure if we can just un-wish the wish." Taylor stepped into the elevator and pulled Ryan in with her.

"But we're going to try, right? Because I really wish none of this ever happened."

Taylor just looked at him, not answering.

When the elevator doors opened, Ryan noticed they were only on the third floor. "My room was on the fourth floor."

He attempted to re-enter the elevator, but Taylor grabbed his arm and dragged him into a nearby supply closet. "It is, but first you need to change back into a hospital gown."

Ryan opened his mouth before realizing he had nothing to say. He took the gown that Taylor thrusted at him.

"What do I do with my clothes?"

"Do you want them?"

As Ryan stripped off the old jacket and the old hoodie, he realized something – something very important. "I never want to see them again."

Taylor pointed towards a dirty laundry bin. "Then throw them away."

After Ryan changed and chucked his pre-Newport wear, he and Taylor exited the supply closet and headed back to the elevator. He kept trying to hold the back of his gown shut, subconscious that it was open for all, especially Taylor, to see.

Lucky for him, it was a very short ride one floor up to the fourth floor.

With a loud 'ding' the elevator doors opened. Ryan felt a hard shove on his back, pushing him out of the elevator. He turned to ask Taylor what she thought she was doing, but saw that the doors were already closing – with Taylor still inside. She waved and blew him a kiss, leaving Ryan all alone.

He looked around and decided that his best bet was to go back to his room and see what happened. As he made his way to his room, Ryan heard a woman's voice. A very distinctive woman's voice - who happened to be shouting.

"What do you mean no one has seen him? My son just disappears, and not one person knows where he is or when he left?"

Ryan's heart began to pound in his chest as he watched a very frazzled Kirsten yelling at the nurses. It obviously didn't work. Kirsten was still frantically searching for Seth. Taylor wasn't able to take his wish back.

The family that he knew and loved and desperately wanted to go back to was gone. And it was all Ryan's fault.


	5. Chapter 5

The Usual: I own nothing - untrained monkeys own it and screw with it. My betas are lovely. I tinkered so I'm sure there are grammer mistakes. Tis me. Sorry for the delay - RL and brain farts are to blame. Now let's see how close my speculation is tomorrow night!!

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Ryan knew that he needed to get out of the hospital and away from Kirsten, but he also knew he had to do so without calling attention to himself. He began to back up slowly and promptly backed into a food cart, knocking it over with a loud bang. The yelling from the nurse's station abruptly stopped and all eyes turned towards the commotion.

As Kirsten rushed towards him, Ryan could only manage an "um…ah". He braced himself for another assault but instead felt her arms around him, pulling him close. "Thank God! Are you alright?"

Ryan rested his head on her shoulder as he hugged her back. "Kirsten? You know me?"

Kirsten pulled away to look at him. "Ryan? Of course I know you. What I don't know is where you were. You just disappeared. Sandy and I were scared to death."

Ryan smiled, despite the deep concern etched all over Kirsten's face. "You're still married to Sandy?"

Kirsten looked Ryan over closely before turning towards the nurses. "Page Dr. Richards immediately."

She put her arm around Ryan and pulled him close again. "Come on, let's get you back to your room."

Ryan laid his head on her shoulder and allowed Kirsten to lead him back to his room.

He didn't argue, complain or so much as sigh when Kirsten directed him to his bed. Instead he climbed in and smiled at her. Kirsten pulled the covers up around him and sat on the side of his bed. She ran her hand down his face as she stared at him for a while.

"Tell me the truth. Are you okay? Is it your head? Do you still have your headache?"

That's when Ryan noticed – yes, he did. He had a really bad headache. And his arms and legs were tingling, and his muscles were sore. As a matter of fact, everything hurt, and yet Ryan's first response was to laugh. Physically he felt horrible, and emotionally that made him feel wonderful.

Kirsten, on the other hand, was looking at him as if he had completely lost his mind and was slowly reaching over to the nurse's call button when Dr. Richards walked in.

"So you decided to come back. Would you like to tell us where you disappeared to?"

Ryan looked at Dr. Richards and then at Kirsten. "I'm not sure."

Dr. Richards nodded as he pulled the stethoscope out of his pocket. "Mrs. Cohen? Could you please wait outside while I check Ryan out?"

As Kirsten rose to leave, Ryan reached for her hand, and held onto to it – tightly. "Is it okay if she stays? I mean, you're not looking at anything um… you know?"

Dr. Richards looked at Kirsten who was staring at Ryan. "No, I'm not examining anything private so if it doesn't bother you to have your mother here, it doesn't bother me."

Kirsten patted the top of Ryan's hand, which was still gripping her other hand painfully tight. "I just need to step out and call Sandy and Seth. I promise I'll just be right outside the door, and I'll be right back. Okay?"

Ryan sat up in the bed as he allowed Kirsten to pull her hand free. "Do you think they'll come to the hospital?"

"Well, Sandy definitely, but I'm going to tell Seth not to come until tomorrow so you can rest."

"No!" Ryan didn't mean to shout. He lowered his voice in an attempt to sound normal. "I mean, tell them to both come. They're both worried, right? So they should both come, and see that I'm all right. Okay? Please?"

Kirsten patted the top of his hand again and nodded her head. She then looked at Dr. Richards – concern and trepidation all over her face as she walked out of the room.

The doctor started his exam – listening to Ryan's chest, flashing a small light in each of Ryan's eyes, looking in his throat then his ears, feeling the back of his head, making notes but not saying anything. And Ryan watched the door.

"What's the last thing you remember? Ryan?" The doctor waved his hand in front of Ryan's face trying to get his attention. "Ryan? What is the last thing you remember?"

"Um…" Ryan smiled when Kirsten reentered his room as he tried to figure out how best to explain. "I remember Taylor coming in and from there, it's kind of strange."

"Strange how?" Dr. Richards and Kirsten were both staring at him.

"Well, she took me to Newport, but it wasn't really Newport. It was different."

Neither the doctor nor Kirsten had the chance to ask Ryan to explain further as the door to his room opened. Ryan was instantly relieved to see Sandy rushing in, until he saw who was right behind him.

Sandy only got out, "thank God you're back…" before Ryan became visibly upset.

"What is she doing here? Why is she with you? Get her out of here!" Ryan was near panic, and no one seemed to know how to respond at first.

"It's nice to see you, too." Julie finally said.

"Get out!" Ryan hissed.

Sandy admonished, "Ryan!"

Since it was more from shock than anger, Sandy lowered his voice. "When I called Julie about the accident and the fact you were missing, she offered to help me look for you."

"Yeah, well, I'm fine, and I'm here, and you don't need her help anymore so she can just go. Now. Please. Leave."

Sandy looked at Kirsten. Kirsten looked at Sandy. Julie looked at them both before they all turned to Dr. Richards for answers.

Dr. Richards cleared his throat loudly. "Yes, um. I'm going to order some additional tests. A CT scan, x-rays, possibly an MRI."

Kirsten grabbed for Ryan's hand as Sandy put his hand on Ryan's shoulder. "What's wrong with him?"

It was obvious they were both concerned, not that Ryan seemed to notice. He was too busy glaring at Julie. Sandy finally stood directly in front of Ryan, blocking out Julie. He raised his eyebrows at Kirsten, looking for her help.

Kirsten smiled as she walked Julie towards the door. "Julie, thank you for your concern. I'll call you tomorrow. Right now, I think the doctor needs to examine Ryan."

"I'll say." Julie shook her head as she reached for the door handle. "Glad to see you're…um…back in the hospital, where you obviously belong."

"And I'm glad you're not a Cohen." Ryan mumbled.

Once Julie was safely away from Sandy, Ryan turned his attention to the doctor. "What? What did you say?"

"I was wondering if you remember hitting your head?"

Ryan shrugged his shoulders. "I don't know. I don't remember the accident."

Kirsten ran her hand over the back of Ryan's head. "A head injury? Isn't that something that should have been checked earlier?"

The doctor opted not to answer her blatant accusation directly but rather make an attempt to explain. "It's not all that uncommon for there to be some sort of minor head trauma in an electrocution case. Sometimes a victim is thrown backwards and hits his head. There was no immediate evidence of head injury when Ryan was first brought in. However, to be safe, as I said, I'm ordering a CT scan and some x-rays. Depending on those results, maybe an MRI."

As Dr. Richards headed for the door, he said, "I should be able to schedule the CT scan tonight on an emergency basis. After that, we'll be better able to determine, what, if anything, is wrong with your son."

Ryan's head shot up at the word 'son.' "Seth?!"

Kirsten patted Ryan's arm and spoke so sweetly as if Ryan was a small child. "No, sweetie. You. The doctor is talking about you."

"I know that, but I mean, where is Seth? Why isn't he here? I thought you said you were calling him."

"I did, right after I called Sandy. He wasn't as close to the hospital as Sandy was, and he wanted to drop Summer off first. She was helping Seth look for you in the jeep."

"My jeep?"

Kirsten opened her mouth to answer, but instead looked at Sandy. "Yes, Ryan, your jeep. Since Kirsten had her car and I had mine, under the circumstances we figured Seth could use the jeep…um…your jeep."

Ryan nodded as he reached for Kirsten's hand with his left hand and Sandy's with his right. Laying his head back and closing his eyes, Ryan mumbled as he began to doze off.

"Okay, Seth is in the jeep. My jeep that Sandy got me. He's not in a boat or at the bottom of the sea. He's with Summer. They're together. She's not with Holly, making out with Chip. That's good. Yeah, that's good."

With his eyes closed, Ryan didn't see the worried faces of Kirsten and Sandy as they looked at each other and stared back at him. He smiled when he felt them both run their hands down the back of his head, unaware of the fact they were both apparently looking for signs of a possible head injury that would explain Ryan's very un-Ryan behavior.

The room remained quiet as Ryan relaxed and Kirsten and Sandy stared at him. That is until Seth burst into the room, causing everyone, especially Ryan, to jump.

Ryan immediately tried to get out of the bed, only to feel a hand on each shoulder. He got a "whoa there" from Sandy and an "easy" from Kirsten as neither one of them allowed him up.

He had to settle for tapping knuckles with Seth, who immediately passed along an 'extremely important message'.

"Dude, Summer said I am to tell you this the second I saw you – she's glad you're back, and she hopes you feel better because as soon as you're out of here, she's going all Ryan Atwood on your ass."

Ryan laughed, probably harder than the joke deserved, but he was extremely relieved. Seth was standing in his room – alive and talking about Summer, his girl friend. Sandy and Kirsten were still in his room – together, happily married and not correcting anyone who referred to him as their son. That was good. Really good.

It was finally Seth who asked. "So what exactly happened to you? Where were you?"

"Um…I'm not really sure…" Ryan scratched his head and then picked at his blanket.

"What's the last thing you remember?" Sandy asked.

"I remember Mrs. Townsend yelling in the hallway…"

Kirsten was quick to interrupt him. "Do not believe one word that woman said!"

Ryan spoke slowly as he tried to recall everything. "I did at first, but I don't now. After Mrs. Townsend left, we went to my room. This room, and I was asleep until Taylor came in."

"Taylor?" Since Sandy looked confused, Kirsten whispered, "He mentioned Taylor earlier." It didn't make it any less confusing as Ryan continued.

"Yeah. Taylor heard me wish I never came to Newport."

"Oh, Ryan." Kirsten sounded so sad.

"No, I don't wish that anymore. Taylor… she showed me Newport without Ryan Atwood. I didn't like it."

Seth laughed. "Why? Was I not as cool as I am now? My Jew fro not happening? I'm not living in Newport?"

"No, you were dead, or I think you were dead. You were missing and presumed dead at the bottom of the ocean, I think."

Seth stopped laughing. Ryan held onto Kirsten and Sandy's hands again but stared down at his blanket. His voice was very soft.

"Kirsten was married to Jimmy and still drinking. Sandy was married to Julie and still at Partridge, Savage and Kahn. No one knew who I was. All I wanted to do was make everything right, and I couldn't. It was really awful…"

No one said anything for a few minutes until Seth spoke up. "So wait – I'm sleeping with the fishes?"

Sandy laughed. "You think you got it bad? My fate is worse than death. I'm sleeping with Julie Cooper-Nichol-almost Cooper-almost Roberts-now Cohen. That is one scary thought!"

Kirsten glared at them both as Ryan felt his face turn red.

"Too soon to joke?" Seth asked as he looked to Sandy for support.

"Maybe we should wait a day or two." Sandy gave Ryan's hand a squeeze. "I will say this - Newport without Ryan couldn't be anything but completely wrong.""

Kirsten wrapped both hands around Ryan's. He looked up at her. "I'm sorry about you know. I know you quit."

"Sandy's right. Without all _three_ of my boys, I could see maybe not having as strong a desire to quit."

Ryan smiled as he laid his head back again, happily surrounded by Cohens. His family.

The orderlies came for him a little while later, and all three Cohens followed Ryan to radiology.

Many x-rays, a CT Scan, an MRI and even a PET Scan later, the best the doctor could come up with was an undiagnosed head injury that must have resulted from Ryan hitting his head. He again claimed it was not uncommon or fatal. Nevertheless, he did decide it would be best to keep Ryan in the hospital a few extra days.

However, that still didn't explain where Ryan was when no one could find him. Ryan insisted that everyone follow him to the third floor supply closet, so he could show them his old Chino clothes. Clothes that were naturally not in the supply closet on the third floor.

Ryan attempted to call Taylor so she could confirm his story, but Mrs. Townsend had apparently confiscated Taylor's cell phone and refused to let Ryan talk to her.

The doctor suggested at that point it might be better to reduce and/or possibly discontinue Ryan's pain medication, explaining that Ryan was probably just suffering from some hallucinations caused by a reaction to the meds.

When Kirsten asked if they should be worried about Ryan wondering away again, the doctor offered to 'secure' Ryan to the bed as a precaution.

Ryan had to look out the window to try to hide his smirk as The Kirsten narrowed her eyes and in her tone told the doctor, "I think we'd prefer to just stay with Ryan overnight instead of chaining him to the bed like an animal."

Ryan fell asleep knowing that it was always so much better to see her as The Kirsten _for_ him instead of _at_ him. He also decided that it was definitely much better in Newport with Ryan Atwood than without him. And that's the exactly the way he wanted it to stay.

Fin'

Merry Chrismukkah


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